On the Night You Were Born

As September came to a close I was feeling large and miserable and so very ready to get the baby out of me! Willow was not necessarily more active than normal, just very strong! Her turning and kicking inside of me was downright painful! In addition, I was dealing with uncomfortable swelling in my feet (Joshua called me Frodo Baggins) and a nasty bout of acid reflux every night. I was SO done with pregnancy!

At my doctor’s appointment on September 22^nd the doctor decided we needed to set a date for induction. Apparently they felt my pelvis is a little small and they weren’t sure if I could get Willow out without a C-section if she got too big. The date was set for October 3^rd to begin the process and then October 4^th for Pitocin.

October 3^rd came and since I hadn’t gone into labor we started with the less than natural birth plan. I just wanted her out! The prostaglandin gel, sadly, did nothing for me. No labor on the 3^rd L I spent the evening with Josh and my parents. We played games and baked cookies for the nurses to keep my mind off of everything.

On the morning of October 4^th I was up by 4:00 am. How can a person sleep knowing (or not really knowing) what was going to happen that day?! I ate Rice Krispies and then a caramel apple (I know…) and sat on the couch trying to absorb how big the day was going to be for me.

We arrived at the hospital around 8:15 am to check in at 8:30. I was shaking I was so nervous! Nervous and excited. We got settled in the labor and delivery room. The rooms have windows overlooking the Susquehanna River. It took quite a lot of prep before they finally started the Pitocin. I was so scared of it. As they hooked me up I told josh that I felt like I was being connected to the lethal injection! Actually, for me it ended up not being too terribly bad.

Contraction began slowly and painlessly. Throughout the day the pain intensified. I dealt with each contraction by yelling “NOOOO!” and then grabbing franticly at Josh’s shirt and then finally settling into my breathing (thank you Lamaze!) until the contraction ended. They hurt a lot but I was expecting worse. I’m sure they would have been worse if I had made it all the way to the birth. In the morning when I first arrived I was 1.5 cm dilated. Around 11:00 am I was 2.5 and I never dilated any further. They broke my water in the early afternoon (that was AWFUL!) but that didn’t help me progress. By 5:00pm I was at the highest level of Pitocin they would give me. Contractions were 60 seconds apart. The doctor checked again an STILL 2.5 cm. I was so frustrated that during a contraction I gasped to Josh “call the nurse! I’ll take the epidural!” If I had been making progress I would have continued without it. The doctor was hoping if I could relax then my body would progress. She gave me till 8:00 pm to see how things would go.

8:00 pm came and the doctor appeared right on schedule. 2.5 cm. Bummer. She knew I was frustrated and disappointed and she just gave me a sympathetic look. I said “I’m getting a C-section, huh?” She said “Yes, I think that’s best at this point.” I just said “ok” and then the whole process began. At that moment I felt relieved and excited that I was about to see my baby!

C-section wasn’t what I wanted nor what I expected, so I was really unprepared. Lamaze does not teach what you really need to know for this situation. Kind of seems ridiculous since 1 in 3 births is by C-section. Once they got me all ready and wheeled me in to the operating room I became more and more scared. They strapped my arms down and then upped the medication through the epidural catheter. The doctor checked to see if I was numb enough to begin. I wasn’t. We waited a while and she checked me again. I could still feel the poking. They upped the medication again. Then my blood pressure dropped and I began vomiting. I had started shaking all over during labor before the epidural. At this point I was so scared I think it just made me shake even more. It was awful! I’ve never been so scared in my life! The nurse sitting with me was wonderful and took good care of me. The anesthesiologist was so kind to me and was wiping my tears away and telling me about how his wife just had a baby a few weeks before. They kept me sane!

When I was finally numb the doctor asked someone to bring Josh in and she began cutting. I was still shaking and scared. Gee they do really jerk you around the table when they do a C-section! I was good until a certain point when I realized I wasn’t all the way numb. That’s right… worse fear realized; I could feel the pain! Yikes! I yelled “Owwwww!” and the doctor stopped and asked the anesthesiologist what was wrong. He said “I don’t know” and asked me what I was feeling; pain or pressure. I yelled “PAIN!!!” The doctor told me to hold on and she kept going. At that point they wanted to get the baby out quickly. The moment they pulled her out I got a shot of morphine. But the best pain relief was hearing my baby cry! Then I cried so loud!

It turns out that the umbilical cord was too short, so it was a good thing I had a C-section. It could have been dangerous otherwise!

I saw Willow for a quick second as she was whisked by. I told Josh to stay with her as they got her cleaned up behind me. I loved hearing those little cries! J They called out her weight and length; 7 pounds and 4 ounces and 20.5 inches long. Josh told me she had dark hair. Then eventually he was able to bring her over to me. Then I cried out loud and thanked God for our baby daughter.

The best moment of my life.

And here she is as I write this :-)